Today we will give you some Friday Funnies to kickstart your weekend!
What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up!
What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
A: "Olive or twist?"
What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar?
A: "Please, no stories!"
Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
A. So the Irish would never rule the world!
What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!
What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?
A: "A beer please, and one for the road."
You know what's fun about being sober?
A: Nothing.
Why did Mexicans create tequila?
A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!
What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?
A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
How do you know a man is really really gay?
A: When he's nursing a Bacardi Breezer!
What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?
A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why does Corona go through your system so fast?
A: Because it does not have to stop to change color
Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!
Why don’t Democrats drink?
A: It interferes with their suffering!
I was going to write a joke about alcoholic midgets but I don't want to lower the bar.
And on that note, Happy Weekend everybody!!!!
Friday, 25 October 2013
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Funny Drinking Quotes
We tried hard to find the best funny drinking quotes out there. If we missed something good, I assure you we want to know about it. Please leave us a comment below and send it our way so that we can add it to the page.
"A quote about drinking is a joy forever" - John Keats
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution - to all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart
"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." - Al Bundy, Married with Children
"Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes . . ." - Thornton Mellon, Back to School
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." - Bluto, Animal House
--Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something something."
--Marge: "Go crazy?'
--Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"
"I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody." - Hawkeye from M*A*S*H
"Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey." - Pappy from Maverick
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. " - Dean Martin
"I don't care how liberated this world becomes, a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume, and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not. "
- Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got. " - Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. " - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. " - Ed McMahon
"I like my whiskey old and my women young. " - Errol Flynn
If you are looking for more beer and alcohol quote related goodness please come visit us on Facebook.
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution - to all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart
"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." - Al Bundy, Married with Children
"Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes . . ." - Thornton Mellon, Back to School
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." - Bluto, Animal House
--Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something something."
--Marge: "Go crazy?'
--Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"
"I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody." - Hawkeye from M*A*S*H
"Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey." - Pappy from Maverick
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. " - Dean Martin
"I don't care how liberated this world becomes, a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume, and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not. "
- Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got. " - Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. " - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. " - Ed McMahon
"I like my whiskey old and my women young. " - Errol Flynn
If you are looking for more beer and alcohol quote related goodness please come visit us on Facebook.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Funny Alcohol Warnings
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
1 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
4 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are smarter than most people, causing you to act like an moron.
5 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
6 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you cannot remember).
7 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
8 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
9 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
Saturday, 12 October 2013
Some Little-Known Alcohol Facts
Interesting, unusual, entertaining, odd, and little-known facts and information about alcohol and drinking:
- The consumption of alcohol was so widespread throughout history that it has been called "a universal language."
- Each molecule of alcohol is less than a billionth of a meter long and consists of a few atoms of oxygen, carbon and hydrogen.
- Fermentation within the body is essential for human life to exist.
- Frederick the Great of Prussia tried to ban the consumption of coffee and demanded that the populace drink alcohol instead.
- Being intoxicated had desirable spiritual significance to the ancient Egyptians. They often gave their children names like "How Drunk is Cheops" or "How Intoxicated is Hathor."
- Alcohol is considered the only proper payment for teachers among the Lepcha people of Tibet.
- The national anthem of the US, the "Star-Spangled Banner," was written to the tune of a drinking song.
- Methyphobia is fear of alcohol.
- The word "toast," meaning a wish of good health, started in ancient Rome, where a piece of toasted bread was dropped into wine.
- Alcohol consumption decreases during the time of the full moon.
- During World War II, a group of alpine soldiers who were stranded in mountain snows survived for an entire month on nothing but a cask of sherry.
- One or two alcohol drinks a day can be anti-inflammatory.
- It's impossible to create a beverage of over 18% alcohol by fermentation alone.
Friday, 11 October 2013
Vitamin Beer?!
I do likes me a cold one on a hot summer day, and a fall ball game just isn't the same without an ale in my hand. Fear of the great beer belly has kept suds out of the refrigerators and hands of beer enthusiasts all over the land, but is it possible that one of our favorite beverages has gotten an undeserved bad rap?
After all, beer is created from just four basic ingredients: water, barley, hops and yeast. The result of these ingredients dancing together is alcohol and CO2. That's a combo that goes down easy, and there are so many ways to blend the brew that you're sure to find an ale, stout, lager or amber that is just right for you.
The Dirty Deets
Your doc may have told you that drinking alcohol in moderation is good for your health, but usually wine gets all the cred for the antioxidant benefits. Truth be told, beer and wine contain the same amount of antioxidants. There are some other things you should know:
• The protein and B-vitamin content of beer is higher than wine. Yeah, going for a brewski after a rousing game of football with your work team will help you replenish your protein better than a glass of chardonnay. But here's a buzzkill: Even though beer is a good source of B vitamins, the alcohol in it mostly cancels out those benefits.
• Beer offers anywhere from 95 to 360 calories in a 330 ml serving, with the average bottle of beer in the 150-calorie range. A 150 ml glass of wine will run you about 120 calories. Sometimes the light beer is a better calorie choice than the wine. Do the homework and math on your favorite beer to know where it should be in your beverage lineup, because those calories do find a way to linger. (Call it a beer belly, call it a muffin top; you just don't want to find one circling your middle.)
• One to two beers a day is good for your bones. Brew contains silicon, which is in very few foods and is linked to bone strength and health. Now that's something to consider before going for your next bone-density scan.
• Think light in color equals light in calories? Not always the case. "Light" actually refers to the percent of alcohol and calories. Higher-alcohol beers have more calories, so if you're watching your weight, a Guinness is actually about the same as a Bud.
How to chow down
You get up to one (for the women) or two (for the men) alcoholic beverages a day, according to the Centers for Disease Control. When it comes to suds, that means a 330 ml bottle or a draught with an inch of head. More than that can tip the health benefits into the health damaging category.
• You want a well-chilled pint glass. Keep it in the freezer for at least a couple of hours so it's all white and frosty and smoky when you pull it out. Tilt the glass and pour a stream of refreshment down the side, standing the glass upright as you get to the end of the pour. This allows for the perfect amount of fluffy bubbles at the top.
• Beer is a great liquid ingredient to add to your soups, marinades and culinary whole-grain masterpieces and can replace broth, stock or plain water. It adds delicate flavor and aroma. The alcohol will cook off, so no need to worry about getting your buddies drunk off your eats.
• If there is leftover beer from your beer-can chicken, beer bread or beer-battered jalapenos, dump it over your head. Seriously, beer is great for restoring life and shine to your hair by nourishing and smoothing strands.
In the know
If you had begrudgingly written off beer, put it back on your roster. Strategically place it into your beverage order when you're at a game or looking for refreshment that pairs well with friends and fun. Don't overdo it, though. Too much of this good thing will take you out of your own starting lineup.
After all, beer is created from just four basic ingredients: water, barley, hops and yeast. The result of these ingredients dancing together is alcohol and CO2. That's a combo that goes down easy, and there are so many ways to blend the brew that you're sure to find an ale, stout, lager or amber that is just right for you.
The Dirty Deets
Your doc may have told you that drinking alcohol in moderation is good for your health, but usually wine gets all the cred for the antioxidant benefits. Truth be told, beer and wine contain the same amount of antioxidants. There are some other things you should know:
• The protein and B-vitamin content of beer is higher than wine. Yeah, going for a brewski after a rousing game of football with your work team will help you replenish your protein better than a glass of chardonnay. But here's a buzzkill: Even though beer is a good source of B vitamins, the alcohol in it mostly cancels out those benefits.
• Beer offers anywhere from 95 to 360 calories in a 330 ml serving, with the average bottle of beer in the 150-calorie range. A 150 ml glass of wine will run you about 120 calories. Sometimes the light beer is a better calorie choice than the wine. Do the homework and math on your favorite beer to know where it should be in your beverage lineup, because those calories do find a way to linger. (Call it a beer belly, call it a muffin top; you just don't want to find one circling your middle.)
• One to two beers a day is good for your bones. Brew contains silicon, which is in very few foods and is linked to bone strength and health. Now that's something to consider before going for your next bone-density scan.
• Think light in color equals light in calories? Not always the case. "Light" actually refers to the percent of alcohol and calories. Higher-alcohol beers have more calories, so if you're watching your weight, a Guinness is actually about the same as a Bud.
How to chow down
You get up to one (for the women) or two (for the men) alcoholic beverages a day, according to the Centers for Disease Control. When it comes to suds, that means a 330 ml bottle or a draught with an inch of head. More than that can tip the health benefits into the health damaging category.
• You want a well-chilled pint glass. Keep it in the freezer for at least a couple of hours so it's all white and frosty and smoky when you pull it out. Tilt the glass and pour a stream of refreshment down the side, standing the glass upright as you get to the end of the pour. This allows for the perfect amount of fluffy bubbles at the top.
• Beer is a great liquid ingredient to add to your soups, marinades and culinary whole-grain masterpieces and can replace broth, stock or plain water. It adds delicate flavor and aroma. The alcohol will cook off, so no need to worry about getting your buddies drunk off your eats.
• If there is leftover beer from your beer-can chicken, beer bread or beer-battered jalapenos, dump it over your head. Seriously, beer is great for restoring life and shine to your hair by nourishing and smoothing strands.
In the know
If you had begrudgingly written off beer, put it back on your roster. Strategically place it into your beverage order when you're at a game or looking for refreshment that pairs well with friends and fun. Don't overdo it, though. Too much of this good thing will take you out of your own starting lineup.
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