Today we will give you some Friday Funnies to kickstart your weekend!
What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up!
What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
A: "Olive or twist?"
What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar?
A: "Please, no stories!"
Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
A. So the Irish would never rule the world!
What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!
What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?
A: "A beer please, and one for the road."
You know what's fun about being sober?
A: Nothing.
Why did Mexicans create tequila?
A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!
What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?
A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
How do you know a man is really really gay?
A: When he's nursing a Bacardi Breezer!
What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?
A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why does Corona go through your system so fast?
A: Because it does not have to stop to change color
Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!
Why don’t Democrats drink?
A: It interferes with their suffering!
I was going to write a joke about alcoholic midgets but I don't want to lower the bar.
And on that note, Happy Weekend everybody!!!!
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Friday, 25 October 2013
Thursday, 24 October 2013
Funny Drinking Quotes
We tried hard to find the best funny drinking quotes out there. If we missed something good, I assure you we want to know about it. Please leave us a comment below and send it our way so that we can add it to the page.
"A quote about drinking is a joy forever" - John Keats
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution - to all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart
"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." - Al Bundy, Married with Children
"Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes . . ." - Thornton Mellon, Back to School
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." - Bluto, Animal House
--Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something something."
--Marge: "Go crazy?'
--Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"
"I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody." - Hawkeye from M*A*S*H
"Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey." - Pappy from Maverick
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. " - Dean Martin
"I don't care how liberated this world becomes, a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume, and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not. "
- Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got. " - Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. " - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. " - Ed McMahon
"I like my whiskey old and my women young. " - Errol Flynn
If you are looking for more beer and alcohol quote related goodness please come visit us on Facebook.
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution - to all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart
"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." - Al Bundy, Married with Children
"Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out and then bring one every 10 minutes . . ." - Thornton Mellon, Back to School
"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House
"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." - Bluto, Animal House
--Homer: "No TV and no beer make Homer something something."
--Marge: "Go crazy?'
--Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"
"I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody." - Hawkeye from M*A*S*H
"Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey." - Pappy from Maverick
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. " - Dean Martin
"I don't care how liberated this world becomes, a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume, and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not. "
- Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"The luck is gone, the brain is shot, but the liquor we still got. " - Doug Coughlin from Cocktail
"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. " - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. " - Ed McMahon
"I like my whiskey old and my women young. " - Errol Flynn
If you are looking for more beer and alcohol quote related goodness please come visit us on Facebook.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Funny Alcohol Warnings
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
1 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
4 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are smarter than most people, causing you to act like an moron.
5 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
6 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you cannot remember).
7 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
8 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
9 – WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Beer & Bras
Beer and Bras...British men have been found twice as likely to know the price of their beer as their partner's bra size. A poll reported in Britain's Prima magazine found that 77% of males knew how much their beer costs but only 38% knew the correct size of ther mate's bra.
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